Asshat Parking: Bro Truck Edition

"PatBateman" (PatBateman) 11/09/2013 at 23:57 • Filed to: Asshat Parking

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You couldn't just take up two spots at the soon-to-be packed cheerleading competition. You had to actually take up four, like you were driving a gold-plated Bugatti with a platinum interior. That's awesome.

I need to keep a can of gas and a book of matches for cases just like this (not really, but a guy can dream, can't he?).

Dusty Ventures > PatBateman 11/09/2013 at 23:57

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Somehow I knew...

PatBateman > Dusty Ventures 11/09/2013 at 23:59

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Honestly, you don't see a lot of that parking here. Yeah, you see the trucks a lot, especially at college campuses. And, apparently, at cheerleading competitions.

Dusty Ventures > PatBateman 11/10/2013 at 00:02

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Yeah, I knew more by the style of the truck (and the black diamond plate front bumper) than the parking job. I've been doing a national search for a new tow righ the past week and that bumper and grille guard seems to be a strictly Texas thing.

I've been to Austin and San Antonio a few times and y'all park better than we do in Mass

PatBateman > Dusty Ventures 11/10/2013 at 00:04

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Front end replacement. Popular on 3/4 and one tons here (occasionally for half tons, but most are too heavy for the front suspension).

Dusty Ventures > PatBateman 11/10/2013 at 00:05

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Yeah. One tons Fords and Chevys are what I'm shopping.

PatBateman > Dusty Ventures 11/10/2013 at 00:06

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We were at Texas State, which is directly between Austin & SA. Decent parking most of the time.
MOST of the time.

erspimp03 > PatBateman 11/10/2013 at 00:21

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You should get a valve core remover instead. Much more practical, keep it on your keyring!

GoliathRex > PatBateman 11/10/2013 at 00:45

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Stick on hood "vent"!

PatBateman > GoliathRex 11/10/2013 at 00:47

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DO NOT DISRESPECT THE MOM MOBILE BATTLE WAGON (AKA my wife's Enclave)!!

The Opponaut formerly known as MattP123 > GoliathRex 11/10/2013 at 01:17

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At least it's factory...

TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma > PatBateman 11/10/2013 at 02:23

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How to point out a Texan "Bro-Truck."

-Cattle Guard (even though you don't even own a ranch)

-Terrible Shackle Lift/ Body Lift (ranging from 6"-14")

-Chrome wheels with pavement pounder spec mud terrains

-Some fucking stupid sticker telling you how we should secede

-Always clean

From a Texan who doesn't drive a Bro Truck.

PatBateman > TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma 11/10/2013 at 10:05

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Okay... Uh, let's go over a couple of points so you don't make these mistakes again.

BRUSH guard, not cattle guard. The guard in the picture is meant to protect the front end from debris like small trees, not to help run over cows. Also, google "cattle guard".

That is a 3" suspension lift, and a pretty professional one at that. I wouldn't do it to my F150 4x4, but...

No one uses chrome wheels on their truck. It's polished aluminum. Also, those tires are BFG All-Terrains, not mud grips.

I see those stickers on cars and trucks, but not on BRO trucks (can't compete with the massive sticker for whatever shop did the mods, and the Ducks Unlimited sticker).

But yes, sadly, they are almost always clean.

From a Texan who drives a non-bro truck.

TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma > PatBateman 11/10/2013 at 10:29

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I wasn't trying to be condescending towards you. Let me get that outta the way.

I need to go wheeling today so I'll be quick. I was being general. Not specific.

Cattle Guard is a colloquial term. Don't pull that on me. Google Cattle Guard and truck. We can agree to disagree here. Also I know what a real fuckin Cattle Guard is.

Looks like a shackle lift to me, but whatever. Just because someone's got nice lookin shocks doesn't mean he's got any travel. You can run Kings with a ProComp.

I run BFG A/Ts on my Truck, I know. Again, was joking. How many times do you see 33" Toyo M/Ts with 22"s? Too many. I don't even want to get into the Chrome argument.

You're right, many proud Texan do have the secede sticker. I generalized too much.

Have this gem from my town.

Ignorance of NASCAR is a Jalopnik Trophy > PatBateman 11/10/2013 at 11:21

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Note for said bro truck from esprit d'escalier: "Some may say your truck is compensation for some shortcoming; your parking confirms it ..."

PatBateman > TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma 11/10/2013 at 14:41

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Sorry, I read another comment on my post that was shitty, then read yours that way too. My apologies.

Makoyouidiot > TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma 11/10/2013 at 20:18

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What about those goofy black wheels with the star cap cover? I HATE those. XD's or whatever they're called.

TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma > PatBateman 11/10/2013 at 22:32

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We're cool man, sorry I got really defensive.